EXCERPT FROM THE MICHIGAN OFFICER INVOLVED DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WEBSITE, MODERATED BY RENEE:Saturday, April 26
IN MEMORY OF...
...Since Crystal's murder, her parents Lane and Patty Judson and Deon Gates [National OIDV] have worked diligently to open the eyes of people everywhere to the plight of victims of Officer-Involved Domestic Violence. And most importantly, they have directed their tireless efforts and voices to bringing about change for victims of OIDV.
I want people to remember...to take pause...and to remember the real reason we are here, when they come to this site during the anniversary week of Crystal's murder. We're not just a resource site; we are here to give voice to the victims of OIDV and to the surviving family members of OIDV murders.
We are desperately trying to get your attention: DO YOU HEAR US NOW? PLEASE DON'T ALLOW THIS TO CONTINUE! SILENCE AND IGNORANCE ABOUT OFFICER-INVOLVED DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ONLY SERVES ONE PURPOSE: TO PERPETUATE OIDV.
Victims of OIDV are at war, simply to survive with their lives. Unfortunately, not all OIDV victims escape with their lives...
[SEE THE FULL BLOG POST HERE.]
I am dating someone who today, a former cop and an offender in domestic violence. The crime is 15 yrs old. He served 10 yrs and has been out last 5. This subject is delicate and painful, but caring for him and trying to understand his pain and guilt I try to learn as much as I can about what victims are going through (survivors of such violence). I’m not condoning his actions or behaviors even though he was just a young man at the time of the crime. I think he was just out of policy academy, about 20 yrs old when he found his girlfriend cheating. Hot-headed, emotionally immature, he acted in anger. It has cost them both dearly.
ReplyDeleteI have approached this subject with him and asked how he thinks/feels about this. Although it is a difficult and complex topic to tackle, trying to respect him and the victim, I'm curious. I know he would like to know that today she is doing as well as possible. That she is happy. That he has no right to apologize even but would like to. With his presence he doesn’t want to bring up the past emotions, but he said he’d wish to say how sorry he is. At the same time, he feels tremendous guilt and shame. He grew up and matured where no good human being should. He takes full responsibility for his actions and the guilt never leaves. The guilt he carries is tremendous and he always tells me that no amount of guilt or served time can change what he has done. I wish I knew how the victim would feel if she heard from him. As children, they had a long history together. They dated for years then too. I too wish that the split second of unfortunate moment never occurred – for both of them. It is heartbreaking. I respect their privacy and nothing I can understand or fully relate to. Today, he is a humble, respected, mature man who works on his faults on a daily basis. I wish I could contact her myself; however, it is not my place to try and find out anything. I know that the first few years after he was already in prison she would contact the family and him. Out of guilt he said he never did respond. So I wonder, that even if she wanted to ever speak to him that she quit trying due to his then not responsive nature? Any advice?
Do not.
ReplyDeleteOMG- is this post real? As a victim, I would be mortified if my former abuser contacted me.
ReplyDelete