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Thursday, May 20, 2010

I apologize for not being active but nobody's perfect

Sometimes people ask me how I do it - dealing with so many deaths and fearful situations, and I'm not sure what the answer is except that I'm supposed to. Occasionally I drop my head or take a day or two away, then regain my composure and come right back.

This is the first post in almost 2 weeks though. That has never happened before. A friend threw me for a loop. I can't say much without identifying her - but let's just say she was one of the shiniest examples of survival. She - and a chain of helpers along her way - went to great lengths for her and her chldren to make a new life - but then she hooked up with a new boyfriend - a police officer in the news accused of domestic violence. She is someone who knows everything, and not only escaped her previous officer-involved domestic violence situation - but had seen hundreds of cases alongside me. I met her quite awhile ago when she was a wreck and I saw how far she's come, how hard she's worked.

Never put people on a pedestal. It's good for no one. I know that but sometimes I slip. We are all human.

I'm a day wiser.

I will always love her but in the details the trust has been damaged. She has yelled - and even screeched - at me for the first time in our friendship, and has accused me of being AGAINST her and biased - frustrated that I can't be as sure as she is of his innocence as she explains the list of each accusation away. Why can't I know as she does that her new boyfriends' ex, the alleged victim, is lying?

He knew she was a survivor of officer-involved domestic violence before they ever spoke.

I will always be there if she needs me down the road. 

Thank to those who have encouraged me to not quit.

Don't think I'm trying to change my friend. She has the right to make her own decisions. I said my piece until I was sure my input didn't matter and now I have a right to lay my boundaries. She belongs to God. Personal relationships aren't as important to me as the bigger issue for victims, and maybe on the day I'm laid to rest no one will be there because I am so damn mean. :) But my life is full, God is good, and nothing has been in vain.

A sense of humor will get me through the harder days. I'll just whisper, "Isn't it ironic?"

Here's to tomorrow - and the day after that....


  1. I'm sorry that you are going through this but having gone through the violence myself (not officer related), I know that I have avoided any sort of relationship or even dating until I feel, and my counselor, that I am prepared to seek out a healthy relationship and end it immediately if it is not. Unfortunately, as humans, we tend to seek out the Love we believe we deserve. Changing our mindset of what we think we deserve takes a ton of work and vigilance.

    I, too, pray that she will be ok. I also wish you nothing but the best and nothing but strength. Thank you for doing what you do for all of us. :)

  2. AnonymousMay 20, 2010

    "A slender acquaintance with the world must convince every man that actions, not words, are the true criterion of the attachment of friends."
    ~George Washington~

    Be at peace. Wishing you only the best.

  3. Cloudwriter my friend and sister, you have no reason to apologize. You are an amazeing, outstanding person. Your friend will never realize how blessed she was, having a friend like you in her life.

    I would of given anything to have you in my life when I met that horrible PA State Trooper. Friend who, I thought were my friends were not. When I was in court for my protection order against my husband, my girlfriend who I thought was my girlfriend, was in court as a character witness but.....It does not matter anymore because, I now have you as my friend. God bless you my sister. I am lucky and proud to have you as my friend.

    With much love and respect,

    Rosa Torres-Sadler

  4. Thank you Rosa for your steady friendship and support. Let's not throw my friend out with the bath water though. You and I have discussed our own past imperfections and HEAVEN FORBID - who knows? Maybe you or I will fall in love with an officer who is accused of domestic violence too. JUST KIDDING! NOT!!!!!! Did I mention: IMPOSSIBLE? But we can't stop loving those who do CHOOSE to take that road. Again - thank you for the love. I'm better. I'm hoping she's doing okay too. I just started to wonder why bother - but I know the answer.

    I hope to meet you one day. Maybe that will happen once this Purple Beret project gets in full swing.

  5. Julie that was really nice to say, and Anonymous too, thank you for sharing that. I'm thinking about her this morning, hoping she's doing okay. I hope she's mad enough at me that she doesn't miss me. :) I miss her though, and that's okay.

  6. I didn't write this and don't remember where I saved it from. I had it filed as from anonymous...

    "Portrait of a Friend"

    I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts, or fears.

    But I can listen to you, and together we will search for answers.

    I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain, nor the future with its untold stories.

    But I can be there now when you need me to care.

    I can't keep your feet from stumbling.

    I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

    Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;

    Yet I can share in your laughter.

    Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;

    I can only support you, encourage you, and help you when you ask.

    I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship, from your values, from me.

    I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.

    I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,

    But I can give you the room to change, room to grow, room to be yourself.

    I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,

    But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them back in place.

    I can't tell you who you are.

    I can only love you and be your friend.


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