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Saturday, May 8, 2010

From Tracey's heart: "When you come out of the dark..."

Tracey Mutz

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Reprinted with permission from Tracey's blog, Stop OIDV:

Being a victim of domestic violence is a horrible, life changing experience. When the abuser is a cop, the situation may be even more terrifying. They use their badges to threaten, manipulate and control others.

So many times, I was told, "no one will ever believe you"; "I could kill you and no one will ever know what happened to you"; "Nothing will ever happen to me, they will believe me over you"; "If you ever tell, I will hurt your children"; "If you report me, I will see to it that you lose your job and I will tell them you hit me first and I was defending myself".

What happened to me changed my life forever. What is happening to others experiencing similar horrors will change their lives forever. You can't go back and erase the past. However, you can move forward and realize that there can be life after abuse.

My abuser is now a twice convicted felon. It took a long time and yes, he got off easy. But, he will never work in law enforcement again. He will never be able to legally carry a weapon. His past will follow him all the remaining days of his life...he can't escape it- just as I can't erase what he did to me. It is with me for life.

If you are being abused by someone who wears a badge, get help immediately. Go outside of your local jurisdiction for help. Go to a law enforcement agency higher than the one that employs your abuser. Document everything and do not keep the documents in a place your abuser can find them. Your life is important. People will listen. You just have to insist they listen. If you are a victim, reply to this post and I will listen...and put you in touch with others who will also listen.

There CAN be life after abuse. When you come out of the dark, the sun will be so much brighter than any sunshine you've seen in your life. I lived for years afraid to leave my house. Now I open my front door look at the sky, thank God and smile.........LIFE IS GOOD!

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  1. AnonymousMay 11, 2010

    I am a survivor of OIDV. I am glad that you are instructing people to go outside the jurisdiction and to hide the documentation. Very good advice...wish I had it at the time.
    I have been out three years and I am starting to live again without feeling afraid every minute.

  2. AnonymousMay 15, 2010

    I wish you could have helped Lisa Allen in the situation she was in, married 14 yrs to an abusive cop husband and now she is facing4 1/2 yrs in prison because she tried to get away using a wrong approach. If she had had the help of someone like you maybe today her life would be different, her parents would not have had to plea in court for help and the ABUSIVE COP would not be going on to yet another woman, yes he is engaged (even before his divorce is final) to yet another victim. I know that a man like Jonathan Allen Jefferson County Sheriff makes it bad for all those hared working dedicated policeofficers

  3. Please give me more information. Where is Jefferson County? What State? I will do my best to help, but I need more information, please.

    Should you not want to post the info (and I stress the importance of safety) on a public forum, you can privately contact me at tdm_1965@yahoo.com. I will do anything I can to help.

    Safety first!



  4. AnonymousMay 16, 2010

    Jonathan Allen is a crimanal investigator for the Jefferson County Sheriff's Department in CO (Golden CO) He abused his wife physically and verbally for 14 years, and even in front of their child which they adopted several years ago. Lisa and her family are now going through a very trying time as the courts would not allow or hear about the abuse. She had to take the plea to save her child of what a trial would bring out. Her atty (a very good one) said there was not way he could win with all the evidence tampering that Jonathan got away with and all the tampering he and his buddies did. I know that the Larking family would appreciate any help you can give Lisa to help her come out of this ordeal the woman she could have been. Thank yu so much for your reply. God bless you for all you are doing.

  5. I was threatened in similar ways by my abuser. He also made threats against at least one other victim. From many of the victim's I've met, the threats of setting them up if they left or reported them is common. They use psychology on their victims causing them to believe they are controlled and there is no way out.

    I have some questions, but don't want to ask them on a public forum. Please feel free to email me @ tdm__1965@yahoo.com.

    Best of luck to you.


  6. AnonymousMay 19, 2010

    Thank you, Tracey, for being unafraid to stand up for yourself and others. Reading what he did to you, who knows how many other victims there are? Your courage ensures that he will never be able to hide behind the blue wall again to hurt you and others. All the best.


  7. Thank you so much, Tom. There were many victims. He was charged with abuse against two of us. The others are still waiting....

    It took a lot of self convincing to press charges. For the longest, I put up with the abuse. When I learned of another victim, I knew then that someone had to stop him and that's what gave me courage. She was very afraid, but there is power in numbers. After five women came forward, we knew he was a serial abuser.

    Thank you for your kind words.



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