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Sunday, August 16, 2009

If you are a victim of police officer-involved domestic violence, what or who has helped you? What or who hasn't?

I'm going to set this post here to see if we can gather some info. Remember you can post anonymously. Who is helping? We need to know. Who isn't? What does? What do you need? What scares you? Does anything give you hope? How do you sustain?

Not all law enforcement agencies are scary for victims. I spoke with someone last week that has the support of the local and county police because they all loathe what her ex did so much - how it refelceted on all of them. Some departments in Texas call the brass to the home if an assasult is evident and they FIRE the officer on the spot. Some departments are nightmares, from the time they show up at the call and start pressuring the victim to "realize what impact" this will have on the officer's career. It's a continuum. Are there individuals within agencies that were your angel or who made it hell? I can keep the info on record by state as a help to others who follow in your footsteps.

There's a lot I haven't said, not wanting to step on toes, and some good info I can't repeat enough. I'll add that in here too if we get this going.
[police officer involved domestic violence law enforcement county sheriff's deputy department office state police trooper lt. lieutenant cheif sgt. sergeant]


  1. And besides a state of denial what keeps you sane?

  2. Being the victim and mother to a child victim of domestic violence by a police officer I have spent the better part of 15 years trying to find help with no such luck as of yet.....the closest hope of light was going to the state law enforcement level....alas, that did not work either as I am now marked as "manipulative" and "pot stirrer" so I was, as well as the physical abuse to my child, swept under the judicial rug and any other rug that could be found. Which, I have found in my research, quite common in this type of situation. Unfortunately, my problems are rooted in a small town and I think that is the biggest hinderence for my situation....and many other abuse victims.

    I would LOVE to hear from anyone who has had luck in getting anything done while still alive and/or sane to tell about it.

  3. I have mastered the art of repression and denial in my 12 year relationship with a verbally, emotionally and physically abusive spouse. I never reached out for help until the day he pulled and gun and I thought my life would end on that given day. By the grace of God I was in another state and the officers did not care that my husband was a high ranking member of another police department. Needless to say I believe many are fearful to reach out for help because of shame, guilt, financial strain and the realization that seeking help often leads to more violence. Sadly what did not help was a marriage enrichment class that was put on by a local church in conjunction with the police dept. I quietly tried to reach out to the leaders telling them that until the police department reaches out to help officers deal with substance abuse and domestic violence - marriages will not be saved.

  4. Is that Anonymous #1 twice, or

    Anonymous #1
    Anonymous #2?

  5. The answer, unfortunately, is quite simple. There is no help when your abuser is a cop. None. You have to wait for him to abuse many more women after you (if you live through leaving) so someone somewhere finally sees the pattern. Lay low and pray my friends. I lived through it (so far).

  6. I just wrote a lot and cut and pasted it into a file. I'll be back.

  7. I'm moving this one here from the post: http://behindthebluewall.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-am-keeping-this-display-of-officer.html

    sad49 said...


    Where do I get my Courage? Where do I get my strength? Where do I get my determination? GOD!!!!

    I’m sure many would feel that, I am speaking so negatively of the horrible abuse that I sustained many years ago. Well, I’m not!!!

    I refuse to hide, I refuse to keep silent. My voice will help others who have been afraid, my voice will help many come out of that dark hole.

    The abuse from the past has left me with a handicap and that is my vision. If GOD would bless me with wealth, I would give it up! I would rather have my vision back then any money in the world!!

    I do not feel pity for myself; I am strong, positive and determined woman. I realized sometime ago that, coming out and speaking against Domestic Violence involving police officers would hit a nerve.

    Many of us have not survived, many will live with scars but…..Many of us will speak out.

    So, to those who are uncomfortable with my notes or my blogs, I pray that you will find it in your heart to show compassion to the woman, children and men who are victims and survivors of Domestic Violence.

    My courage is what keeps me going and because of the GREAT SPIRIT. I WILL CONTINUE TO SPEAK OUT!!!!

  8. I don't know how many victims I've talked to, but whenever I try to share anything personal publicly I stop. I can't do that. Each of us have our own way.

    I made it through years of fear by faith and surrendering my fate into God's hands. I got so weary of fearing anything and everything in my house and outside of my house that after some years of it I made peace with death.

    I'm still here.

    I, like almost all of the officer-involved victims I've talked to, have post traumatic stress disorder. The body and mind can only take so much for so long without some residual damage. That is my biggest fight now that the immediate sense of danger in my own situation has passed - learning to live with the psychological injuries. I'm not crazy but I am changed. Some days I'm competent, and other days I can barely cross a street.

    I find being here for others is a fulfillment and useful, meaningful and filling a gap.

    What happens OFF of this blog is the most important work of all.

    I just reread what I wrote and noticed that I didn't say that I was married to a police detective.

    I was. It led me here to where I am now. I didn't know anything about any of what is on this blog, and it wasn't until Crystal Judson, our police chief's wife here in Tacoma was killed in her police chief husband's murder suicide that something clicked in me to do something out loud to draw attention to the problem of having no where to turn.

    No one should live so afraid and have

    nowhere to turn.

  9. Hello My sister Cloud Writer,

    Thank you for allowing my voice to be heard. For years, I felt so alone and felt no one would lisen to me. I have been told time and time again that, I was crazy and no one would lisen to me but.....You did and my Advocates and supporters have lisened to me.

    God bless you and thank you for all your compassion!!!!

    With much warmth and respect,


  10. Rosa, you have given me much more...


    I ask this question time and time again. WHO CAN YOU TRUST?!!! You want trust your government, but there actions have left me speechless!!! You want to trust your attorney but can you truly trust them also?!!!!

    I continue to question how the legal system has handled so many Domestic Violence cases through out our great country. Many lives are destroyed because; our legal system such as judges, lawyers, police officer, state police officers and domestic violence agency who are suppose to protect victims of domestic violence.

    Some, not all continue to turn the other cheek and they continue protect the abuser instead of the victims!!!!

    Our country has made a great change; we have new and wonderful President. We as American’s want to believe that, there is justice for all but……..Is that true?

    I want to trust the justice system but……Can I truly trust them? Would they, listen to my voice? Would they listen to the voice of other victims of Domestic Violence? Would they continue to cover the lies? Are they going to cover up the abuse by so many laws enforcement officers and other abusers?

    I don’t have the answers to my questions. I believe that so many other American’s feel the same as I do!

    Many American’s feel that our Justice system in this country is a joke!!! I pray for an answer. I pray for justice not only for myself but…..For all Americans, who have suffered from Domestic Violence.


    By Rosa Torres-Sadler


Please post updates or email them to behindthebluewall@gmail.com. No cop-hating or victim-hating comments allowed. Word verification had to be added due to spam attacks on this blog.